Thursday, January 14, 2010

Field of Dreams

A few days after Christmas I broke up a man that I had been seeing most of last year. Actually ”seeing” is kind of pushing it because he lives in Wisconsin and I, of course, do not. He was a very nice man and had many good qualities, but, for many different reasons the spark went out for me. I had discussed the timing of this break up with several of my girlfriends as it had become increasing apparent to me that this relationship was not going to be “the one” ….. again. We were heading into the holidays, Christmas and New Years followed immediately by his birthday. What to do? Ending? How? Reality? When? Crap!

A few years ago, I had been dating a fellow that I felt had potential. When he broke up with me after Christmas, I did not see it coming and allowed myself to be devastated. I did not want to hurt my fellow the same way if I could help it. As it turns out he was not surprised by my phone call ~ he too had felt the end was near and was quite gracious with me. But even so, I have felt a very empty spot in my heart. So I sat in the sun and called in its golden rays to fill this sad void with golden sparkles of healing energy. And this, in its simplicity and symbolistic nature, allows me to feel whole again.

I keep thinking of the famous line from the movie, Field of Dreams; “if you build it, they will come”. Well, in my innocence, I felt like that when I bought my little farm. When I first stepped into this sweet little farm house I thought it would be the perfect place for two people to live peacefully, and retire gracefully to garden and play with horses. I have been around the block twice but I remain positive about finding my life partner. I thought that “if I buy it, he will come”.

And so I wait, peacefully and gracefully, as I read books and write my stories, mow the lawn or shovel snow, making a living and playing with horses.

* annette

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