Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Daughter's Healing

“Are you ready, Mom?”
My daughter quickly swept her long beautiful Raquel Welch wig off her head.
And there she was in all her bald glory, with her island tan and looking healthier than she has in a while, her head dulled in comparison. She had done a 2nd shaving, even taking the gray I had seen a peek of a few days earlier under a short wig.
She’s gaining in boldness, this Leo sweet heart who took great pride in her mane. Now her scalp shines white next to her glowing olive skin.
“Doesn’t my skin look smoother than it ever has?” she asked. A few of us had already told her that…..good ole chemo.
When she was four years old, a few months after her little sister came into her life, I had her hair cut very short, over her ear, she never forgave me.
In my marriage to her Dad, he loved to have his scalp massaged with rosemary and jojoba oils to hopefully grow hair that had decided, in a seemingly rush, to recede. A little fuzz teased his vanity, but we enjoyed the ritual anyway.
Jennifer is in her second round of chemotherapy. She has lost only two pounds, and like me can’t afford to loose an ounce. Her missing hair brought it all into real illusion. Can this be grasped by my mother’s heart?
While having her treatment this week she had an allergic reaction. She couldn’t breathe, was turning red and swelling. All of this was reported to me by her friend, Fiona. I had called her friend’s cell when I didn’t hear from Jennifer at the expected time. She has these three great friends, a strong foursome. From the beginning of her process, they have been a constant and much needed presence.
“You don’t need to come, Mom”, I was told.
“There really isn’t much room in the cancer center and it does get crowded.”
So I haven’t been and I’ve had to work through these feelings, to get beyond this.
The mother animal instinct is a strong one to loosen, at any age.
This time I was truly grateful for her two friends that were with her. Everytime I think about it I grow weak and emotional, wondering if I could have been a strength when she needed me or if I would succumb to a blubbering pile of emotion…….one step at a time, as I take a moment, allowing healing Light to hold us.

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