Saturday, November 8, 2008

Prose: Life


Life always seemed illusive, nebulous, shifting the future way ahead of me. I had a few dreams as a child and they included being a writer, wanting to go to Egypt, and not having children. And yes, not being a nun or a nurse.

Life was that place out in front of me that I was constantly moving towards and never seeming to be one with. Life always felt like the illusive future, always at least two blocks distant or several miles from wherever I was.

Yet I lived it everyday. Some days were like bad hair days when things didn’t go how I wanted them to or think they should. Other days were carefree and filled with the joy of the moment and dreams still held with hope. They were the good days of life, and life was easy.

Life now has a different meaning to me. I remember when looking back became equal to looking ahead, even though I knew being in the moment was the most vital. I remember when the future began to seem not so endless, but more finite, creating a subtle tension that said, if I want to experience thus and so, I better think about doing it soon, and not procrastinating anymore.

Time suddenly became entwined with life, and even though I know the aspects of myself to be timeless, I also could acknowledge, with the shift of the body’s schedule of events and its aging process, that yes, I would want to take care of things now, pay attention to opportunities now, and not procrastinate into future possible times anymore.

I became more aware of the human condition and suddenly how vital life is, even how tenuous it is, and how in one moment, my life might continue endlessly, just no longer in human form.

So, for me, life has taken me on many twists and turns, never quite showing up the way I thought it would when I got there, never quite the way I imagined it would be, yet always, mostly always, okay and doable. And it taught me things I never would have willingly said yes to. It grew me into who I am, sometimes kicking and screaming, yet mostly aware underneath that I had set this in motion and I was going to see it through.


1 comment:

A Week's Worth of Women said...

Time and life...the essence. I love the way you put it to words. Kappy