Prose - Communication

Write about snippets of conversations, the facilitator said. The more I thought about the conversations of the past weeks, the more I realized there is a lack of words being said.
This lack of words hit me like a brick in the movie, The Reader. How painful our lives can be when words know our feelings, and yet don’t come forth. How dull and boring of us not to be able to express what is in our minds and hearts. So many depths and complexities to this comment on human nature. A life could have been saved, twice, in this true story if only the two people involved could have spoken.
When I had laser surgery for glaucoma recently, the doctor did his technical work, but there again, he didn’t express any words that would have saved me a lot of discomfort. Most doctors are only technicians. They are few and far between, those who can express care and especially in relationship to the whole being. Frustration abounds, between doctor and patient.
That same frustration expands when I talk to my old friend who’s been a client for thirty years. Once we were lovers, briefly. A boundary crossed that’s never truly been resolved. There is love between us, maybe its from being friends for so long. He’s like the male character in The Reader, its very difficult for him to share his feelings. Maybe I’m the female character who has too much pride to let my love show, for fear of crossing a boundary again. I always fantasize about the conversations we will have. This past week after his session I said we needed to play, create fun in our lives. Of course he always has responsibilities first, being the CEO of a successful company. But after that we could go to dinner or on a hike, he added. No joy, no feeling whatsoever. And, it will probably never happen. It must be this old niggling past life we had together, we’re both aware of our deep spiritual connection, that keeps me hooked in, at least. I feel our lesson is learning to communicate. But we keep holding tightly to the only things we know, protection of the heart.
Patricia