Saturday, January 3, 2009

Pleading the Fifth

“Speak when spoken to”…and “Be seen and not heard”…were two axioms that I was raised with.
I couldn’t express my anger. Only my parents could be pissed off. I couldn’t say what I saw…family games and manipulations…and then came the nuns.
So in my early life, even though I knew things, I couldn’t talk about any of it.
On a physical level, I had tonsillitis at age four, and tonsils out at four and a half years. Then strep throat every winter of my childhood, either in early winter or for Easter vacation.
As a teenager and young woman, I lost my voice every Spring for a few weeks at a time.
As I began my metaphysical studies in my mid-twenties, and studied the chakra system, it became clear to me that my throat chakra was a pivotal point. How to unlock it, undo all the psychological blocks that had been put in place to keep me silent. I had taken on the role of the jailer to myself and didn’t let myself speak when I needed to, especially speaking up for myself.
Public speaking always seemed to carry a ‘threat worse than death’ in my own mind. It would be something I would work on for years, in many different ways. A past life memory of having been murdered for what I had to say, always lingered in the background as I readied myself to speak to a large group.
Perhaps this past experience influenced my choice of families to incarnate into, in this life, so that my innate Aquarian rebelliousness would be the thrust to push me past this block of consciousness, this ingrained fear. If a child is restricted in early years, that’s the one area they feel they must master or express in the adult life, and this was true for me.
Now, as an astrologer who does readings, as a spiritual consultant who assists in others’ spiritual paths, I get paid to speak. I write and others read my words. The volume of energy that sat, stuffed, in my throat chakra has now found its stream.
Aquarians, after all, are the Speakers of the Zodiac, and I finally found my voice!

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