Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Itching

It started after the chemo last week. Benadryl doesn’t seem to want anything to do with it. Barely easing it up.

I’m starting to look at it differently. A shaman I’m working with wants me to look at my anger. My anger? What’s that? Journal, she says, and get into what you are holding onto with your anger.

The anger, of course, the itching is an angry action. One can scratch up an army of angry feelings. In the oddest places, an itch comes forth demanding attention. I’m delayering this anger, bringing it forth, so I can get to the gut of it. So I can bring out ways I bought on this disease in the first place. Onward army, I’m watching and beginning to feel you more. I’ll erase you out of my being yet, so there isn’t an ugly trace of you anywhere, leaving me free and clear and healthy.

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