Prose: A Question

The horror stories were always plentiful…strokes, uncontrollable visions and delusions, being committed and dealing with people who really were around the bend.
It made me fearful of deep meditation, and yet I always did it. There were books on the premature rise of kundalini energy, that serpent of knowledge that lies sleeping at the base of the spine. I knew that people who forced it through breathing techniques couldn’t always cope with the results.
In my early days of yoga and meditation practice, I was firm but gentle with myself. Hatha yoga asanas were followed by meditation every morning after the boys went off to school.
I began to follow the images I had seen of the Human/Divine Man. I raised my awareness plane by plane…etheric, astral, mental, Buddhic, Nirvanic, Monadic, Godhead. I didn’t think about kundalini a whole lot, just sat quiet each morning and watched the riot of thoughts flitting through, some taking me off on a storyline until I could see it and bring it back.
This thought about kundalini arose this morning in the meditation I continue to do, now about forty years later. There is still that image of being swept away on a tide of energy and lost to the world as I’ve lived it, with friends, children, etc.
It causes me to look at my life and wonder if I could have done it differently, which is a curiosity in itself. To ponder the road not taken isn’t logical. The path I’ve walked was self-chosen, moment by moment, and doesn’t really need second-guessing.
Yet the question remains…why continue to meditate if raising kundalini energy would be a possibility and is scary. My only response now is that my meditation every morning reminds me of who I really am, renews my connection to the Divine and allows me the grace and peace of all of that. Then as the day calls, I’m more ready to deal with day-to-day life.
Perhaps over this lifetime of many years of meditation, taking it slow and not pushing the practice, I’m clearing away, bit by bit, those things, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, that would get in the way of this energy slowly rising itself through my chakras. If so, then the results would reflect wisdom not insanity.
Yet I also know I’m not done with this question.
Jyoti