Thursday, September 4, 2008

Essay: Free Flowing

I am wearing sandals that have a crack in the sole under my right big toe. I have nearly worn them out but I took them back to the shop where I purchased them; they had told me that Birkenstock’s were practically guaranteed for life. $80 to make them good; $120 for a new pair. So I glued the torn leather down but they are not comfortable. Every step hurts my feelings.

I was told a few months ago that my Honda was wearing out and I needed to start thinking about buying another car. I cried for 2 days and then I prayed to the angels of Honda’s to give her strength that she may live until I get my credit card paid up. This summer when it was 90 degrees I was afraid to use my air conditioner. When I noticed the temperature gauge going up quickly, I had to turn on the heater to pull excess heat off the radiator. I made a joke to my son, about loosing weight in my eyebrows as I was directing the heat through the windshield defrost. Pretty funny.

My old dishwasher broke last week. A fellow came and said the motor is definitely shot. I poured a little Clorox over the small amount of standing water that I couldn’t get out with my turkey baster. It may have to set there for awhile and I don’t want it to stink up the kitchen. As I wash my dishes in the sink, I am thankful that it wasn’t my stove or refrigerator.

I just received my electrical bill. It is $30 more than it was last month and $25 more than this time last year. I called to question the number, surely this was a mistake? That is allot of fricking electricity! The lady was very nice, but said they had certainly made no mistake. How can she be so sure from her office in Texas? Pay and shut up; the alternatives suck.

I talked to a girlfriend this morning who told me she and her husband had to borrow money from her parents to make their house payment. I heard the struggle in her voice; she didn’t want to say it out loud but she wanted to share the grief.

Another friend told me last month that she made her mortgage payment and then added up the possible late fees on her credit cards to decide which ones to pay now and which ones to default on. She said it so matter of factly, I was stunned.

My tenants gave me seven days notice that they were moving out. They were a nice couple and I will miss them. Moving was not their choice; I understand it is a family matter, but what do I do? I have tried for 5 years to sell that house. I have no money to make the mortgage payment. Let people know. Craig’s List is free and the local newspaper takes a …. credit card.

I could go on.

How does this make me feel? It is so easy to go into fear. How can I stay strong? I put on a brave face and do the best I can. I pray for Strength, Wisdom and Grace. The challenges that I have mentioned above are just that. A sense of humor is a MUST have. I want to be alert so that I can actually “hear” the answers to my prayers. If this is a test, I will pass.

I am eternally thankful that all of the folks I mentioned above have their health… and good looks.

* annette.

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