Thursday, May 27, 2010

Walking Away ?

I just wanted to note that I have awoken many times in the past few months with the realization that I had, the moment before, been dreaming! This is exciting to me as I am one of these people who feel like I never dream because I rarely have a conscious memory of actually dreaming. This morning I have a snippet … a dream fragment. This is a step towards remembering my dreams and wants to be acknowledged.

I am standing in front of, and looking into, what appears to be a furnace. It is old, huge and kind of scary looking box. There is a large piece sticking out from the middle top; it is a kidney bean shaped balloon apparently made out of metal. I wonder what it is; a filter? I have never seen anything like it. It kind of reminds me of an exposed heart; is it beating? Even as I stand there and think about it, it falls off and rolls across my laundry basket filled with clothes. I am fearful. Is it hot to touch? Will it ruin or stain my clothes? What should I do with this bean heart?

I note that even though this large bean filter do-hickey is sitting on them, my clothes were not clean yet; they are on their way to the washing machine.

I am tempted to not do anything. I have done this in the past when I am too overwhelmed with life in general; like now. I just walk away from a “not right” or “un-resolvable” situation…. until I have the strength or stamina to face it. However, this has not always led to a great outcome. Walking away does not mean that I don’t ruminate on whatever it is. NO. It follows me around, stalking my brain waves.

So I look up from my laundry basket to the face of the furnace. There are two slightly rusty pipes that are now exposed and open. What passed through them? Air? Gas? Not liquid I am sure. Can I walk away from it this time? How close are they to the small flame at the heart of this beast, the pilot light?

I imagine that I if I just close the door and walk away, the chamber will fill with gas and when it can no longer handle the fumes which have accumulated; it will blow up and destroy everything. I cannot take that chance. I do not want my home destroyed. How hard can it be to put back together? I bend down to pick it up and even as I am realizing that it is not as heavy as it looks … I wake up.


* annette

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