How do I pull myself together,
after a death,
after an illness.
The clothes I wrap
around my body,
I pull them into some
resemblance of order.

I pull the sides of the jacket
tighter over the blouse,
so that it somewhat fits.
Tying the scarf or tie
so that is bears some semblance
to an order of dressing
that I once
was at the forefront of.

Pulling, yanking,
ordering, smoothing,
I bring myself to the world
again, and hope I’ve filled
in the cracks enough
to pass as normal
or at least to move
invisibly
through the throngs
of everydayness.

I’m pulling myself together today,
enshrouding myself
in invisibility
to let myself re-enter the world
slowly, gently,
on my own terms.

I’ve been pulling myself together
all morning
and now I venture out,
hoping to make my way
unseen, through the world,
until I can stand
the world’s glare
and others’ stares again.

Jyoti