Essay: Driving With a Crowd

I was driving to meet with my writing group in Boulder last Monday. I had planned on leaving my house earlier, but that didn’t happen. I usually stop and grab something to eat as I drive through Longmont. Today it took forever; nothing “fast” about it. Back on the road I watched myself growing more and more angry. I shifted from lane to lane like an idiot and called out loudly to the morons I was forced to share the road with. Part of me was fascinated, because, although I used to drive like this allot, I really have become much calmer behind the wheel in the past few years and have enjoyed this about myself. I don’t want to break my arm patting myself on the back, but I like “Mellow Netto”.

There is a crowd in my car today; me, myself, and I am the passenger even as I hold the steering wheel. The passenger is setting back watching the driver who is too busy being an ass to notice. “Angry Annie” realized she was being a jerk but could not quit … maybe she didn’t want to. But I know she didn’t enjoy the way she felt as she cursed the other drivers, heading back into old behavior road rage. She was hot and frustrated; mad at herself but blaming every one else on the road for her situation. Writers group was going to start without her and she despised walking in late. “Damn it all to hell.” I have had years of experience as Angry Annie.

Mellow Netto witnessed the scene with NO judgment, which really surprised me. I don’t know her as well but I like her. She doesn’t sweat as much as Annie and I think her hair looks nicer. She said nothing, just sat in her seat quietly enjoying our lunch. As we parked the car and walked towards the house, she took over as Annie melted into the sidewalk. She was the one who opened the door and realized that the group was still in free-form, they had not started without us. Everyone looked up as we walked through the door but no one acknowledged my crowd ~ they just smiled at me and welcomed me in. Annie, Netto and I sat on the couch where there was room enough for all of us. Mellow Netto pulled out our notebook and clicked open the ball point pen. We ask Angry Annie to take a deep breath, realizing that everything had turned out just fine and her manic driving was indeed, unnecessary. I tuck wind whipped hair behind my ear and smile demurely.

I acknowledge these parts of myself who all serve a purpose ~ but when one takes over out of control I have reason for concern ~ to take notice. There is so much fear in the world, we are bombarded daily and it stresses my sensibility. In this fragile, unsure place, it is more difficult, but I make a conscious effort to bring “us” back to LOVE. Drink water, breath deeply, choose LOVE.
Smile when possible.

* annette