Saturday, March 6, 2010

I couldn't get back to sleep...

I couldn’t get back to sleep. I had drifted off earlier in the midst of one of Nora Robert’s tales of witches and wolves, with Ireland in the background. I’d awakened enough to turn off the light and then thought sleep would claim me as it usually did. I had been tired all evening.
But it didn’t. I lie there thinking about the day, about the past and old relationships I no longer had any interest in thinking about, but my mind had its own familiar pathways to follow.
I turned over, adjusted my pillow, and glanced out the window about me, looking through bare winter branches into the night sky.
Without warning, a shooting star blazed for a split second, arcing through my field of vision, then its light died out. It happened so quickly. Its meaning suggested magic, new beginnings and I thought, do people make a wish when they see one?
I remembered a momentous evening high in a small mountain town almost thirty-two years ago, when I asked the powers that be whether I should herbally induce labor for the next morning, as I was already overdue by some calculations. Or should I wait out the pregnancy. A shooting star streaked through the star-studded sky and I took it as a sign to wait. My son was born to me in that cabin two and a half days later.
So tonight I made a wish for more happiness and the letting go of old patterns of thinking. I knew exactly what I was looking at in my own mind: the places that judge, the places of skepticism and criticality…these were the very things that were keeping true happiness from me. I could see it. And I wanted it that way no longer.
It was as if an outer sign of magical occurrence spoke to the magic inside of me to set me in motion to change and transmute what I could see needed to be a different way.
The shooting star was like the surprise you feel at the moment the gun goes off to start a race. It’s a momentary shock before you’re off and running. I’ve been at the starting gate of change for a while, and now it’s time to actively make the effort to consciously do things in a different way.
Shooting stars, witches and wolves…magic is alive and well!

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