Essay: Longings...

Our assignment is to write about longings. I have been in a semi-melancholy state for weeks. Just thinking about “Longings” fits my current mood.

I long for security. A security that comes from outside me. I know, I know …. “if that which you seek cannot be found within, it will never be found without”. Whatever! I honor a young girl's longing to be loved and nurtured. I would like to curl up in my grandmother's soft lap and be cuddled. I have on more than one occasion looked at my cat, curled up in a warm fuzzy ball in my lap…… and felt mildly jealous….wanting to trade places.

I long to have enough time and enough $$ ~~ both at the same time ~~ to lie back and relax. I wonder what, if anything, I could create if I had the absolute freedom to spend time doing it? When my son was little I volunteered to teach a class to small children on how to make rattles of leather. Daydreaming, I saw myself as a young Indian woman. I wondered what it would be like if my only job was to make one beautiful rattle this day. That was my responsibility to my tribe. I was not the hunter and the cook and the cleaner; I was the maker of fine rattles. What a treat!

I long to sit beside the stream and tone with the water spirits. This I will do again in the spring. I promise this to myself right now.

I long for a lover’s arms.

I repeat the mantra, “if that which you seek cannot be found within, it will never be found without”. But I long for a summer vacation on the coast, with gentle waves, sun, clouds, distant music, a loving touch and tender words. All in one picture.

I close my eyes and go within. It is a sweet place. “So be it. And so it is”

* annette

Essay: I DO KNOW

I know that I know. I am tired of pretending that I don’t. I DO KNOW.

It has been easier in the past to get all twitter-pated and run around like a chicken with my head cut off; to wring my hands in despair and plead ignorance or innocence. It is not true. I DO KNOW.

I do believe in the existence of a Creator force ~ God/Goddess ~ the Great Mystery ~ call it what you will it makes no difference. I am not in charge but I am one walking/talking/participating member. I am never alone.

For years in my fumbling attempts at meditation I kept hearing the message, “Be still and know that I am God”. It helped me feel calmer but I always questioned, “Who is this ‘I’ … the deliverer of the message or am I truly created in the image of God like the good book says?” Weaving their east with my west.

In herb school we used to joke around that we would need to hear something 17 times before we actually got it. Well I guess I read the book, sat at the feet, and heard it again for the 17th time. I am now ready to acknowledge the truth. It is an on-line dialogue and the connection is always open. I get it.

Ask for guidance. Slow down. Take a breath. Reach inside. (Even as i write this i am concerned of the consequences of these brash declarations. Who is writing this? ) I pray for the strength to accept the responsibility.

I do know………
I know nothing……….
I am “I”.
I know.

* annette

Walking the Labyrinth, July 08

I’m feeling hectic, unsettled and spaced out from too much computer time earlier this morning. Our writing group is visiting the nearby Labyrinth now. We descend the stairs and enter the room. It’s cool, dimly lit, and quiet. We take off our shoes and set down our bags.

The labyrinth in the center of the spacious room is painted in deep blue with the pathway left white. A circle of votive candles and similarly blue meditation pillows and cushions ring it.

Next to the entrance of the labyrinth is a small altar with a candle, bell and incense holder. Outside the circle are some cushioned pews, a larger altar, plants, and an altar to the Virgin of Guadelupe. I go to Her and light the candle of my heart, to honor She-who-produces-roses-in–the-barrenness-of-winter.

Then I take a deep breath. Another. And then another, as I slow my walk down, approaching the entrance. I ring the bell to awaken my consciousness, to vibrate at the same frequency as this sacred space.

As I step, I begin my affirmation. He restoreth my soul. She restoreth my body. As I walk, I notice how hard I am trying to walk. Silly me. The path is clear & easy, already laid out before me. All my worrying about what to do dissolves and is absorbed into this simple path with every step.

“Why can’t your life be simple?” my husband asked me recently. Walking, the rhythm of feet & breath, and the needlessness of thought or decision comforted me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. The simple discipline of following a path with preordained boundaries is comforting.

As I continue my inward spiral along the Labyrinth, involution, going to the source of Oneness, calms my mind, calms my body. I am comforted.

At the center of the Labyrinth I bow. I bow down to the Father, the Mother and the Holy Child—to consciousness, to matter, and their joining in my existence, is the Oneness, the Center.

Time unfolds easily here like that path of the Labyrinth. I move easily when it is time to leave , unwinding back outward. The spiral of expression and creativity leads me back to the world. She restoreth my Body. He restoreth my Soul.

I notice myself inspired to write about women, about the choices they have now, that our paths are not so preordained anymore. And how to find our own simplicity, our own bottom lines & finish lines that can draw the lines, the boundaries of our own paths clearly enough to give us more peace in the midst of our choosing.

Exiting the Labyrinth, I ring the bell again. To awaken my manifesting, to vibrate new consciousness into this world. I am born again.

--by Terra

Poetry: The Quiet Core

I wonder why the world seems to smoothly flow for awhile and then
Explodes into a splashy rapids that eventually reintegrates into
another smoothly happy flow.

I wonder why the splashy rapids has to be
a matter of drama and emotional upheaval.

I wonder why the quiet Core of my being
Continues to be quiet, even in the middle of
that drama and that smoothly flowingness.

I wonder why I forget that quiet Core
that could be my consciously safe cove
in the middle of any stormy drama or quickly flowing-by world.

--by Terra